Halloween is like Valentine’s Day. Both “holidays” are controlled by big business. Since it’s not February, we won’t talk about Valentine’s Day but Halloween……candy makers, costume sellers and……dentists are happy as hell right now.

Think I’m lying….Look at this picture…..

That’s Hershey’s stock price. You don’t have to be a rocket scientist to see that the line is going up around Oct 29th. Could be a coincidence? You buy the candy to eat and give to kids. We eat so much of it, we get cavities. We visit the dentists. We pay our co-pay (if we have insurance) but then the insurance companies G off. Ehhh…this is America right? Big business wins.

Tomorrow there will be an email sent out from someone “Extra Halloween candy in the break room“……..which means they bought more candy than kids that showed up at the crib.

Don’t worry, I’m not about to start teaching my conspiracy theories to the kid. I understand that this “holiday” is a part of her childhood (but as soon as she learns how to spell ‘conspiracy’ on some A.keelah and the Bee shit, IT’S ON. Uhh, no precious, it’s conspiracy not constirawary……

Halloween in the ‘burbs is different from Halloween in the city. You didn’t go house to house. You went apartment to apartment – in your building. You wouldn’t go outside and if you did, you stayed on your block. Yo, back in the day, in NYC, kids feared for their life on Halloween. Kids would go to school every single day EXCEPT Halloween. Halloween was rough. Shit was a battle. You did not go to school in your freshest gear. You left that shit at home and went to school in your to’ up shit ready for battle. Guaranteed your bus got “egged”, maybe you got egged. They would put Neet in eggs and toss that shit. Crazy. Whip cream. Toilet paper. Socks. Powder. Shit was real.

I had to flex my parental prowess on the shorty this year. I got my G.eorge B.ush on and vetoed a costume. Nope. I don’t give a damn who H.annah M.ontana is (for those who don’t know, do a Google search). Short skirt. Fishnet stockings. A Blonde wig. HELL TO THE NAW. She would have looked like Lil’ Kim. Not having it. And we all know that shit starts early. So what it’s a costume but if I don’t intervene now, that costume could be her regular outfit one day. What did Chris Rock say? Gotta keep the girls off the pole. Plus Ms. M.ontana is a bit lighter than us. Just a tad. And we don’t have enough bleach for that……..

Thankfully, it’s only a day. I’ll survive as long as I don’t hear Thriller 100 billion times.

Guess what my costume is? Today, I’m a black man pretending to like Corporate America.

Trick or treat bee-atches.