There’s the political expert who breaks down…..take a guess…… politics.

There’s the financial experts who talk about the mortgage crisis.

There’s the forensic crime experts and psychologists who try and provide breakdowns of the crime scene.

Where do they find these people??!?!?!?!?!

Very few of them add any extra insight into what we already know in most situations and I feel like the spit useless rhetoric. Let me be an expert on one of these news programs.  Watch what the hell I say.

Anchorperson: Today, joining us on pur program is, Mr. Fresh, an expert in common sense. So Mr. Fresh, what could cause a man to kill his girlfriend and begin to cook her body parts? Was he stressed?

Me: No, the dude was f*cking crazy.

Anchorperson: What about a woman killing her children months ago and living with them and not informing the authorities? She said they were possessed.

Me: NO…she was possessed. Same sh*t. F*cking crazy. Coo-coo. Half past 6.

Anchorperson: Let’s switch topics.  A reporter on the G.olf Ch.annel recently said T.ig.er W.oods should be taken in the back alley and “ly.nched”. Ti.ger said it’s no big deal. Sh.arpton wants her fired. Do you think she should really be fired?

Me:  How many black people watch the golf channel? Okay that’s besides the point. But we got J.immy the Gr.eek fired. D.on I.m.us fired. Fuz.zy Zo.eller said something about Ti.ger and fried chicken when he won the M.asters.  Ti.ger is not going to be the face of racism. He’ll play down everything. Sh.arpton will be all up in someone’s face.  Can we do something more than just fire people? Let’s take her in the back alley to see what it feels like to be lyn.ched…..How come people can’t think before they talk?!?!

Anchorperson: There are a record number of foreclosures. The mortgage industry is suffering. What can we do?

Me:  RTFM. Read THE F*cking Manual. (in this case, your contract). Do your research. Know what the f*ck you signing. Damn people. Know how to budget. Learn math Fuggas.

Anchorperson: Lastly Mr. Fresh, the political campaigns. You’ve got a tight race for Democ.ratic nomination. What do you make of the New Hamp.shire primaries.

Me:  I don’t f*ck with cry-babies boo hoo’ing and sh*t when things don’t go their way. Give her arse a pacifier. Damn baby.  Who does it look like I’m voting for. Huh? *Holding up my fist*. OB son! What?!?!
Anchorperson: Thank you Mr. Fresh.

Me: Be easy. One Love.