How come when you’re taking a picture in a public place (i.e. restaurant, club, etc), there’s always a cheesy ass dude in the background?
How come I love when women know how to dress?
How come I love me some fall/winter time just because the knee-high boots and skirts/dresses come out and goooood lawwwwwddddd…..”cause I see some ladies tonight that should be having my baby…ba-by”
How come women’s purses are the size of freakin’ duffle bags now?
How come they don’t realize that the reason they can’t find shit in the purse when they’re looking for it is because it’s too damn big?
How come you RARELY see a woman in the 10 items or less line in Target?
How come H.ilary Clinton is stuck on this O.bama is nothing but words crap?
How come she played herself with that comment about “why you always call on me first” during the recent debates?
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I have a friend that refuses to actually deal with people if at all possible. So if he has to order pizza, he’ll do it online instead of actually calling. He says it helps keep his sanity. I laugh at this dude all the time.
This morning I decided that I’m going to end my love affair with Directv and the NFL package (wait……a moment of silence please). Ok, so I call Verizon this morning to jump on the FiOS tv bandwagon. I already have the internet but with the prices of cable nowadays, I had to do something.
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“I hope you’re not trying to make me laugh……I don’t want to smile”
Those are the exact words that came out of friend’s mouth today and those words are ringing in my ears. I’m not going to put her whole situation on blast here but I can tell you that it involves a man whom she had relations with. No, not married. No, not boyfriend. Relations. Convenient genital bumping. You people are smart enough to read between the lines.
I cut off communication with said friend last year. I couldn’t deal with the constant one sided conversations. Complaining, bitching, gripes about this and about that. It got to the point where nothing good came out of her mouth and I told her that she needed to seek professional help. But I realized that there are people in this world that are just satisfied with not being happy. They don’t want to be happy and when you try to help them become happy, they get mad.
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I disappeared for a few. You notice? Damn project at work got me working harder than a plastic surgeon in Hollywood. So since we are well into 2008, I figured I list some things I want to disappear. Go away. Get put to rest. I had more than enough of these in 2007 and I’ve officially OD’ed. So Vamoose….
(1) Sou.lja Boy dances by white people. Hell, S.oulja boy dances by black people. Hell, Soul.ja boy but I can’t really knock his hustle. I turned on a college football game on New Years Day and don’t you know, as soon as I turn on the TV, I see these white people, face painted with their college colors doing the S.oulja B.oy on national TV. All you gotta do is go to you.tube and type soul.ja boy. Flooded. With nonsense. Now somebody go supa.man a hoe will ya? Yoouuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu
(2) Black athletes and celebrities getting in trouble. If you’re doing some shit right now, that’s illegal, Stop it. Stop going to the clubs tossing money in the sky “making it rain”. Stop going around your old ‘hood in the brand new Bentley after signing the mega-contract. Stop doing stupid shit like picking up machine guns in Wal.greens parking lots or whatever the hell. And yo cell phones have cameras ya heard? So when you’re in the car giving head and he says, let me record this on my phone, know that shit will end up on the ‘net. It’s like everytime the spot light shines on a white celebrity, here we go, trying to upstage them….
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Another edition of Fresh Five…Now I know some of you are going to be enjoying Thanksgiving with that special person in your life and this could very well be the first time you’re meeting the fam. So it is my loyal duty to give you some “advice”. Some survival tips so that you don’t get your turkey stuffed on Thanksgiving….#1 – Don’t go empty handed. Bring something. A bottle of wine is always nice but you should find out if the fam drinks first. Do your research. You don’t want to show up with pig feet and they don’t eat pork. 
So wine is a safe bet. Desserts are a safe bet. If you’re going to make something, make sure your ass can cook/bake. Don’t get experimental with a dish that you’ve never made before. If you don’t bring a thing (because the person you’re going with said so), then offer to help when you get there. Don’t offer too much help. You don’t want to kiss ass but offer enough. Show them you have some damn manners. Read more…
I can’t help it. I got a lot of random stuffage in my head. I can’t help it….
Some of you out there have a disease that hasn’t been detected by the CDC. It’s called neverontimitis…..(never-on-time-itis). I need to come up with a damn drug like these pharm companies to correct that shit. Instead of L.ipitor, it’ll be Alarmator. But then again, some of you will all of sudden have some side effects and next thing I know, I got a class action law suit on my hands. So fuck (I need to slow down my cursing…another day) fuck it, just motivate your ass to get to something on time and if you’re not gonna make it, pick up the phone. Shit. It’s that simple. Don’t come to me with no fashionably late excuse. You ain’t fashionable. You just late.
A family member had an appointment this weekend and showed up 58 minutes and 32 seconds late. That shit is just rude. No phone call. No smoke signals. Nothing. Just came up in the spot like nothing was wrong. They are ALWAYS late. They were late to their own wedding. REAL TALK. 90 minutes late to their own wedding. I was out the church door on my way to my car when their car pulled up. The day they’re on time, is the day when we’ll have a Black President, a Puerto Rican Vice President, a Mexican Secretary of State.
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Work is crazy.
And with it being so nuts in here, I had to order my lunch and go pick it up instead of taking the time to actually eat at a restaurant. I get to the spot early and they tell me the food will be ready in a few more minutes. So I do what normal people do….I plop my backside in a chair and wait.
I’m looking around the spot like damn…..it’s awfully crowded in here for this time of day. It’s like 2:30pm. It’s filled with various age ranges, some whites, some blacks, a few I couldn’t tell what the hell they were, but all nicely dressed.
The hostess says something to me about the weather so that sparks some convo. She knows me. I’m not a regular but I come in here frequently. As I’m talking to her, I hear this ruffling in the background. It’s like chairs were moving and there was a lot of chatter.
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Let that be clear.
I’m no food conneisseur. I don’t watch the food network. G. G.arvin looks like a cross between G. L.evert and LL C.ool J.
I won’t say I’m completely boring because I’ll try new things but once I find a good meal at a restaurant, that’s pretty much it for me. It’ll be a repeat performance almost everytime I go there. Predictable huh?
Certain foods have an “acquired” taste right? So it may take me a while to accept it. Other foods, I’m just not fucking with. Remember when I told you dude at b.ugs b.unny?!?!? Yeah, not the kid.
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What’s wrong with this dude? Somebody please explain.
I’m sitting here listening to the so-called audio of Orange Juice running up in the hotel demanding his shit back. Okay, granted let me give him some benefit of the doubt. Guilty until proven innocent or is it the other way around?!? I forget. This is America.
Let me side with Orange Juice for a second. If somebody stole my shit and I ask for it back and they say no, then yeah, I’m probably coming after them too but it will be a little more tactful than what he did.
I’m not sure if he got the memo but he’s a marked man. Let’s be real. Half (maybe more) of the country consider dude a murder. So Johnny boy gets him off, then there’s the civil trial, then ass bucket decides to write a book saying how he would have did it, then this. He got knocked in the helmet one too many times if you ask me OR…..maybe…just maybe….he really didn’t do it and that whole situation fucked his head up.
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