Always Funky Fresh – The Blog v2.0

I put my d*ck in ya p*ssy
Take it b*tch, take it (in the puff daddy whisper voice)
I put my d*ck in ya p*ssy
Keep screamin’, don’t fake it
Here’s my d*ck girl, now put it in ya p*ssy
I got ya all wet, I made it gu-gu-gushy……

Those are lyrics from my new song called, you guessed it, D*ck in ya P*ssy. That sh*t is hot right? It’s a club banger son! As soon as I finish burning the joint to a CD, I’m going to take it to the local radio station and see if they can get me some airplay.  Shouldn’t really be a big deal. I mean, sex sells right?

They can put it in rotation with Rude Boy, Neighbors Know My Name, Invented Sex, Sex Therapy, Lil Freak, Bed Rock, oh can’t forget Reverse Cowgirl, Spectacular,  and the countless other songs that get played on the radio during primetime and have our young children reciting the lyrics  thinking it’s cool. Call me old, but if your 8 year old walks around singing “you goin’ think I invented sex”, you might want to think about inventing some damn filters and watch the stuff you listen to around them. But then again, you probably think it’s cute.

I HATE WHEN BIG BUSINESS RAPES TALENT.

Big business should get a life sentence for this crap. Sex sells. Good music is being pushed aside by this industry-led crap and the industry says they’re only giving people what they want to hear. Fine. I’ll listen to it. At night. During the quiet storm. When the kids are in bed and grown ups do grown up things. They played love songs with meaning when I was growing up. Now they play f*ck songs.

I’m not hating , okay maybe I am just a little, but seriously, I can not listen to black radio in my car if  kids are in there unless it’s an adult contemporary station. At times I wonder if I’m just not in the “target demographic” anymore. I understand times have changed and we’re in a profit driven society but just like people blame the artists and want them to put some responsibility into their music, well, I think we should blame the stations too. While pioneers like Cathy Hughes are using their voice to present “reality” and save black radio from the performance tax, they should also use their voice to present “reality” and save black children from the crap their playing.

And yes, I know very well that other kids could pass these songs on to my child. But if all parents exercised some caution, just a little caution, how often would that really happen?

People should try not playing the radio and just talking to their children sometime. Do you even know what your child did today?That’s what I do and I’ll keep doing that and I’m going to keep satellite radio in my car, with Radio Disney on blast.

But let me get back in the studio. I just thought of my second single.

It’s called “Bust a Nut in Yo’ Face” coming out this summer……

I’ll give you a hint.

Look that way ———————————->

I was infomercialized (I know that’s not a word Ms. Spell Check). Hate that crap.

So my 90 days of horror will begin shortly – well- when it arrives. I didn’t do express shipping. It’s not that serious.

AND I’m even going to blog about it. Nah. Really. I am. Promise. Word up son. Fo’ real though.

…I had to use all of my damn will power to walk out of the Apple store yesterday WITHOUT an iPad.  I’m such a geek sometimes.

…There are certain people I can’t listen to for more than 30 seconds. Avery Johnson, this admin assistant for one of my customers, Nicki Minaj…

…Speaking of Nicki Minaj…..oh hell, I need a new post for this one.

…Oh yeah one more — that chick in the Popeye’s commercial trying to make it sound like she cooked the damn chicken. She’s annoying with that. Why the black chick gotta sell fried chicken? Fugg outta here with that. I just want to see a white family sell fried chicken and kool-aid!

…Ironically I didn’t see a whole lot of pimp suits on Easter. Was there a shortage? Is the recession that serious?

…My stomach hasn’t been right ever since I ate this Mexican food the other day (that damn special sauce on my enchiladas)

…Ms Badu has a phatty

…Jay Electronica STAYS on repeat. Reflection Eternal – hurry up and drop that CD homies. I need that in my life.

…If I haven’t talked to you in a while and I haven’t thought about talking to you, then I probably don’t need you in my life (this doesn’t apply to all of the readers and fellow bloggers)

…Some people have goals and other people were put on this planet to make sure you don’t achieve those goals

…The one thing I miss about my Blackberry is the flash on the camera. Sometimes you don’t want to take your sexy genital pics in the dark. I’m sayin….

…After watching Food Inc and currently reading The Omnivore’s Dilemma, and listening to one of wifey’s relative talk about how she cleans and makes chit’lins, I’m destined to be a vegetarian.

…The new Tiger Woods commercial is brilliant but then again,  I expect nothing less from Nike.

…Speaking of Tiger, I really hopes he does well this weekend so people can stop talking about his personal life and start talking about his golf game again. I listened to some guy rip him up yesterday. Sit down with that. Do people not realize how many athletes have done far worse than him? Geesh. Care to comment Shaq?

…Confederate History Month? Suing the Federal Government for the Health Care Bill? Really Virginia?

…You won’t catch me complaining about the heat. Nope. I’d much rather it be 90 degrees in April than be snowed in with 30 inches.

I haven’t blogged in a while. Well, it hasn’t actually been that long. Just a little over a week but my goal was to post more often and the result is about 10 drafts chillin’ in my inbox.

Work has me busy. Got me running around. Life has me busy too. Running. Every time I try and stop to catch my breath, the whistle blows again and it’s time run.

Can I call a 20 second timeout?

I need to set up my defense cause the wrong people keep scoring on me. Backdoor cuts and easy layups. That Princeton offense crap. We don’t play that way in the streets. Caught me sleeping. I’m too busy looking at people in the stands, worried about what they think. Too busy watching this dudes fancy dribble. Instead I need to focus on the ball. I need to focus on getting a stop. Sometimes offense begins on defense.

Call a timeout coach!

I need to realize that this is much bigger than me. I know there are scouts looking at me everyday but do they really care about how many points I score? No. They’re going to look at my whole game. How I play defense. How I run the offense. How I read the defense and adjust to call the right play. How I execute. How I lead my team.

It’s much bigger than you and when you finally realize what or who or why you’re playing the game, you’ll get a whole new appreciation. You’ll feel revived, renewed, and more importantly, you’ll feel relieved. It’s so easy to lose your focus over the course of a season. It’s so hard to get up for every opponent and sometimes you’re going to catch that L and lose by 30 cause it was just an off night but you can’t let that get you down, no matter how long your slump is. You’ve got to let it go. You’re only allowed to think about how you’ve messed up for a short period of time then erase your memory (get that men in black stick and zap yourself) and step back on the court and get it.

Don’t be afraid to call that timeout and reset yourself. Everyone needs to catch their breath sometimes.

Although I watched the NCAA tourney this weekend and checked scores, the one score I was most interested in was the health care vote.

Congrats to the Democrats for pulling together and passing the bill on health care reform!

While it’s probably not the perfect bill, it is a necessary bill and I’m glad the President stuck to it and pushed on.

The most disturbing part of the weekend though was these so called “Tea party” protestors who decided to take to the streets near the Hill and yell out racial slurs and epithets at a few of the house Reps (who ironically happened to be African American and gay.) There was even an incident of “spitting on one of the Reps”.

Read more…

In reading my lovely local paper, The Washington Post online this past weekend, I came across this article:

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2010/03/12/AR2010031202154.html?hpid=sec-metro

In a nutshell, the lady is a stripper exotic dancer and has decided that she’s going to sue the resident pole keeper for wages. Yup. Wages. She feels exotic dancers should be paid hourly wages like someone working in Mickie D’s for example.

Now I’m no exotic dancer connoisseur but I have frequented been to a few establishments including the one referenced in this article. In most cases, you don’t pay a cover BUT you pay for drinks and of course, you “make it rain” so the dancers can reap the benefits and pay for their tuition.

Now they want wages. Next comes benefits. Should they get offered a PPO or HMO? And what if they get pregnant while working duty in the champagne room? Will FMLA support their leave? What if they don’t lose the weight after pregnancy and their performance degrades and they get fired? Now they gotta get unemployment? What if they slip on the pole cause Peaches had too much baby oil on her? That’s short or long term disability!  How about tuition re-imbursement? Expenses reports for the new pair of clear heels?

There’s a lot to consider here.

My favorite part of the article when the one club owner said “I don’t want to say nothing about nothing”

**Somewhere out there I know someone is saying “hoe sit down” ***

Ask me whatever you want (anonymously)

http://www.formspring.me/alwaysfunky

My boys wife doesn’t like me.

I’m not talking about that playing type of “I don’t like you” that some of you give me when I post something stupid. This is real. She don’t like me.

How do I know?

My boy told me. Over dinner this week. See I’m on travel for work, in his neck of the woods, in a different time zone and if my peoples are in the area I’m traveling to, I like to check them out. So I called and we agreed to meet up for dinner, only thing, she didn’t show up. Eh, no biggie. I was cordial. I asked how she was. Then he told me. In a nice way.  ”You’re not exactly one of her favorite people”.

Oh word?

Read more…

For all of you who were afraid to come to the site before because you were getting some random malware error, you’re good now. I found the culprit and it’s been removed. Although if you were getting a malware error, you’re probably not reading this now.

Anyway Friday Randoms…….

If you put a “#” in front of your words, you probably use Twitter a bit too much. #fugginstupid.

I know I said I’d tweet more often but I can’t. Everytime I log on, there’s a certain person I’m following that is ALWAYS tweeting.  For kicks and giggles, I counted it one day. Over an hour period, there were over 50 tweets. 50!?!?!?!?!

So I work in the IT field and do some consulting outside of my gig. One company had me come in a few weeks ago. Complained that stuff was running slow. I do a quick analysis. What I find? Facebook, Twitter, YouTube – top 3 applications used. Needless to say the owner was PISSED and is planning to shut down access. When I leave, I see the receptionist on Twitter. Me: “You might want to get that on your phone”…. Her:  What?!?!?!**clueless look**

Read more…

As I was sitting here snowed in like most of the Mid-Atlantic, I, of course had nothing to do but think……

Well I actually have a few things to do. Don’t sleep. I’m not THAT bored but nevertheless, here are some random snow thoughts….

** There used to be bread on these shelves. But now? Not so much…….I mean all a brother was trying to do was get some buns for my Boca burgers!!!!

**The funniest thing about the grocery store? All of the unhealthy stuff was gone. All of the healthy stuff? Plenty. Shows where people priorities are.

**I watched a woman damn near take a store assistant’s head off because he told her he didn’t have any more white eggs. Mind you, there was a whole rack of organic and brown eggs right next to her.

**I’m glad the Super Bowl is over. Congrats Saints but I got tired of random people saying WHO DAT when they had no business.

**There’s a line thin between CABIN FEVER and STUPIDITY.

Cabin fever is “I’ve been trapped in my house for 3-4 days and I need to get out to get some fresh air”.

Stupidity is “I’ve been in my house for 2 hours and I want a bag of Utz Red Hot chips so let me drive my Mini-Cooper to the 7-Eleven even though there’s 22 inches of snow on the ground and the 23rd is falling”

See the difference?

** Speaking of cars, I know your CLK’s and 3-series BMW’s are hot whips….in the summer….but in the winter, during a blizzard, get “them cute shits” off the damn road and out of my way. I can’t tell you how many people I’ve seen over the last week in these cars struggling to turn corners, get up the street, get out of parking lots, etc. Even had one spin out in front of me and suddenly face on coming traffic…..

**Oh and the above person, was trying to drive and talk on her cell phone. I know your car has bluetooth. Use that shit, concentrate on the road. As a matter of fact, get that cute shit off the damn road…..Geesh…

**Ladies, as much as I’m a fan of high heels and boots, this is NOT the weather for it. Go get you some Uggs or some other snow boots. Get some fake Uggs from Payless. Like Fuggs or something. I don’t care. Anything to save you from busting your ass. And if you’re going on a booty call, carry your heels in a plastic bag or that big ass purse you own…..PSA Over.

**This snow stuff put a dent in my workout schedule. Mind you the shoveling is a workout in itself and I do some pushups and dabbled in the on-demand stuff (I said that so BK doesn’t yell at me) but I need the gym. I need people. I need that shorty with the BANGIN’ body to be on the treadmill in front of me….Inspiration I tell ya…..