Always Funky Fresh – The Blog v2.0

One of my favorite books of all time is this one right here…

If you can’t read the image (which is surprising because this font is smaller than the image but….it’s called Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff. It’s by Richard Carlson (RIP).

The first sentence in the first chapter reads:

Often we allow ourselves to get all worked up about things that, upon closer examination, aren’t really that big a deal.

Read that for a second. No. Like really read it. Digest it. It’s so true.

I used to be a little high strung. Flying off the handle at the slightest thing. But  I’m not like that anymore. I’m not really sure when I changed but I’m glad I did. I’m not sure what caused the change either. Probably a series of life events.

I read that book and I swear, I saw a part of me in almost every chapter (some parts were real flowery but still applicable) And when I exhaled – it’s like I let all that go. When I inhaled – I inhaled a newness.  Now I’m nonchalant (sometimes too nonchalant) but I know how to pick my battles and my anger points.

I see people everyday, all day, get worked up over things that really aren’t that serious. Tonight in the grocery store, I saw a lady “lose it” because the deli guy called number 25. She had 23 and went off about being skipped. I mean went off.  The deli guy realized he made a mistake, said he meant to call 23 but was looking at the clock and it said 5:25pm so he called 25. A simple mistake he apologized for but was it worth  someone’s blood pressure going up?

I don’t think we all need to walk around with this zen-like attitude but I do think we all need to breathe before we fire off at the lip, or blow the horn……

We become so consumed with the problem that we’re never able to come up with a clear solution and we carry the problem with us to work or home and days later, we’re still fired up.  That’s so unhealthy.

Just chill homie. Just chill.

You didn’t think I forgot, did you?

www.freshgetsfit.com

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**by the way, the blog is work in progress**

Let’s Get It.

Backshots (no homo – as the youngins say)….

NURSE: Drop your pants

ME: Nurse, damn, I had no idea you were like that. Is that curtain closed?

NURSE: Drop your pants. C’mon. The quicker the better.

ME: *thinking to myself* Is this really happening? Where does this rank on the male fantasy list? A real nurse? Not a nurse’s outfit!

ME: Okay okay. Where you want me?

NURSE: Just stand up. Turn around.  I’m ready.

2 seconds later.

ME: Ouuucccchhh. Yo, what the f*&^ is wrong with you?

Read more…

This whole Laurence Fishburne daughter doing porn thing is out of control.

Her decision to go into porn aka adult film making is well…her decision. I mean, I guess at this point I’m not really ready to speak on that. But other than that, I found this troubling. Read this excerpt from a recent interview with her on AOL Blackvoices:

BV: How has Kim Kardashian really influenced you?

MF: She inspired me to go to Vivid. I always wanted to do porn. That was a given. So when I decided to start getting in to it, to see how I was going to go about it, I looked to her. Kim Kardashian released her sex tape with Vivid. Paris Hilton, Kendra Wilkinson, Pamela Anderson, all these people. And they’re well known for having celebrity sex tapes. And Kim’s is the one that did the best. Not did the best, but I felt like she got the most hype and buzz out of it. And she decided not to do porn. I want to do another film. And if I do decide to go mainstream, I feel releasing porn with Vivid is the best company to do it with, because they have other avenues that they deal with. I’m loving Vivid right now. They’re the best.

Did anyone catch that? She mentioned Paris Hilton, Kendra Wilkinson and Kim Kardashian. She was inspired by Kardashian. Inspired. She was influenced by Kardashian. Influenced. Inspired.

Inspired by someone who f*cked Ray-J on tape to gain celebrity. Nice. And it’s those actions that have younger women thinking that’s the path to success and celebrity.

If Miss Montana thinks that’s the way to celebrity, she should think again. There’s a big difference between her and Hilton, Kardashian, Wilkinson and Anderson. Her skin color. It doesn’t matter what “industry”, the game is the same and she’s on the road to getting pimped (pun intended).

Kardash got 5 milly for her “rehearsed sex tape”. Wilkinson got a big pay day too. You think just because her daddy a A-List celeb, she’s gonna get a big pay day? Negative.

Hopefully she’ll come to her senses.

I don’t remember how I got there but I was there.

Me. My boy. Boats. Water.

My boy tells me that I need to try it, after all, he just bought a new fancy, state of the art boat.

So I go, look, find one in my price range and I buy it. It’s nice –on the outside but as I took it out on water, I began to notice little subtle issues. Cracks here and there. Imperfections.

But I took it out. On the water.

Read more…

While I don’t agree with the way he did it and while I’m a little disappointed that he’s not with my Knicks or soon to be Brooklyn Nets, I am happy LeBron James left Cleveland (sorry Ohio readers)

It goes beyond basketball ( although the Cavs really had no team around him and obviously he was upset about the direction they were going) and it goes beyond money. For me, I’m glad he left cause he’s been there his whole life and it’s time for change.

Huh? Fresh? What?

Let’s bring it down to regular people.

Anyone that knows me in real life, knows that I’m a big fan of leaving home. Packing up and rolling out. Whenever someone asks me where they should go to college, my first reaction is “not here”. I’m not being harsh. I’m not being mean. I just think people need to experience life outside of their natural habitat.

Read more…

What’s worse?

Being a black man arrested on DUI charges with a white woman in the car whose red panties are in your lap and then having to resign from your job knowing that you were due about 500K this year plus a raise?

OR

Having to explain the above to your black wife ? (who by the way is a member of a well known sorority)….

Damn son……

Friday morning. 6:15am.

Fresh off the red eye. (pun intended)

Waiting on my connection to go home. Sitting in the airport looking at this guy in front of me trying to figure out if he got dressed in the dark. (Light tan khakis, black shirt, brown and red tie, plaid light blue and I can’t even tell what color that is……)

Another trip to Cali. Another  ”save the customer mission”.  (although this was my first one in Cali).

It started off shaky. Literally. 20 minutes after I landed the ground shook. http://www.signonsandiego.com/news/2010/jun/14/grsq-earthquake-shakes-san-diego/ At first I thought, damn, those are some powerful baggage claim machines making the ground move but then I looked up and saw things swaying and rattling, I knew it was real.

The locals were like “oh it’s just an earthquake”. Me? I’m like “yo that’s a m*therf*&^g earthquake. Get me the hell outta here!”

Earthquake #2?

Well, that happened the next morning when I arrived at the customer site and proceeded to be the proud recipient of a slur of curse words.

“Why the f*ck is he here? F*ck them, f*ck that sh!tty product” <———–his exact words. I’m sure he said more but I tuned out after that.

My Brooklyn instinct wanted to take over. I was ready to unleash but I wasn’t there for that unless he said something about my mother. Then it would have been on!  But the thing is dude was pissed and had a right to be. When you pay X amount of dollars for stuff, you expect it to work. But it wasn’t working and it’s never worked right and everything was just wrong and off.

(Damn this ladies boobies are damn near past her waist)

Read more…

I spend my Saturdays baking in the hot sun, screaming at the top of my lungs.

“Run…..Run”
“Pump your arms”
“Push yourself. Let’s go”
“All the way through” and my favorite
“You gotta pass her!”

Hey, I’m a dad and my daughter is an athlete. I want her to do well, not necessarily win – although that’s nice, but do well in all of her events. So I scream, not yell, so she can hear me and I cheer, no matter how she’s doing and when she crosses the finish line, I hug and congratulate, not scold. There’s a difference.

Read more…

In honor of ignorance, I’m changing my name to Fucka Wucka Fresh. I’m just sayin…..

Speaking of ignorant crap. Explain this one to me.

I saw that a rest stop on the NJ Turnpike and can you believe you can collect all 10? My kid would get back slapped for asking for that crap.

As much hatred as I have for boys wearing skinny jeans sagging off their backsides, I wonder if my mom felt the same about my baggy jeans……

I gotta give it up to Google. They celebrated the 30th anniversary of Pac Man but putting a picture on the game as it’s logo today (Friday) But that’s not all, if you click on it, you can play it. Too dope (that’s the nerd in me coming out)

I’m saying I can dream right?

Listen, if I found out someone on my team was banging my mom during my MVP party (and of course this is all rumor stance right now), but anyway, first, I’d beat that dude’s ass. Second, my mom would get cut off too from all financial “aid” she receives and third, I’d play like sh*t too.  How you gonna? I mean, dude’s mom? I mean that’s some motherf*cking (pun intended) grimy ish right there.

Ladies, do you want a phatter backside. Look what I found for you

How’d she get famous again? Why is she important? Oh yeah, she boned Ray-J on a “please release this so I can be popular” sex tape. Bullshit ass tape. I saw it!